MY FAITH

I'm not even sure how to write this, just by thinking about what I went through this past month, I don't want anyone to ever experience this pain. I was exhausted, not from the surgery but emotionally.

The first month was the toughest. I didn't know how to handle this type of news that will forever change my life. I was born a Christian and I always believed in Jesus but I'll be honest these past couple of years, I was struggling with my faith. I lost track and I was neglecting God. He was always in the back of my mind but I didn't want to turn to him anymore and I think it has do a lot with my relationship with my family. We fell apart and that really broke me and instead of turning to him, I ignored him for a very long time.

CANCER + SURGERY

While I was admitted at the hospital, I had to do a colonoscopy test to get a biopsy to confirm that it is cancer. I also had to do endoscopy the next day to see if cancer has been spread elsewhere. I had at least 20 doctors come to see me every single day ok I'm exaggerating! but it was exhausting. After couple of days of confusion from different doctors, it has been confirmed that it was colon cancer but I also had another doctor who confirmed that I also have stomach cancer because they found something unusual in my stomach. It was very confusing at that time, I wasn't sure which doctor who has a better diagnosed but all of them agreed that my tumour located in my colon needs to be removed right away.

On January 1st 2017, I went for surgery at around 8:00 PM and I was back around 4:00 AM. Going into the surgery room, it was so scary. It looked exactly what you see in the movies. I don't want to get into details, I was put on anesthesia so I do not remember anything. Surgery went very well, they were able to remove 26 cm of my right colon but doctors confirmed that cancer has been spread to my abdominal lining. The following day, I was diagnosed colon cancer stage IV metastasized to my abdominal wall.

THE BEGINNING

The title is so cliché but why not?

Let's start where it all began, I started having abdominal pain in the month of December 2016. At first, I thought I had cramps, I even thought of pregnancy cramps but the pain was getting worse especially during the evening. The pain felt like someone is stabbing me every 2 minutes and it felt very sharp. It does not last though; it comes in a wave. At the same time, I also felt very bloated and my lower back started to ache. There was one evening that the pain was intolerable that I decided to go to a clinic, now that I think about it, I should've gone to the ER instead. The doctor gave me some pills that will ease the pain and eventually, it will go away. Mind you I was crying in front of this doctor and I still don't get how he didn't push me to go to the ER. smh

On Christmas Eve, I told my sister-in-law what I've been feeling and showed her the pills that was prescribed to me. She was confused to why the doctor gave me those drugs and told me not to take them (she's a nurse). I jokingly told her what if I have cancer? that's what I've been told by "google" when I research of what my symptoms were haha. PS never google your symptoms, it gives you the worse case scenario. Unfortunately, on my end, it came true. haha not really funny 

On December 28th during the evening around 10:00 PM, I started having cramps and it got worse throughout the night. I also remember throwing up everything I ate that day. I tried to move and position myself on a certain angle so I can feel less but this time, it didn't work. Every time I move, the pain was just getting worse. At some point, I had to stay in the bathroom because I had to keep getting up to throw up. I even tried to sleep on the bathroom floor. I was all alone with my niece at the house. I remember my niece was giving me a lecture of eating right the next day. haha what a child! After a long night, I decided to finally text my dad at around 5:00 AM, both of my parents were working at night and I ask him to take me to the ER when he gets home.