MY REALITY

This post is completely going to be different and most likely going to be the most authentic I ever wrote. I think that many people are either going to understand where I'm coming from or maybe going to think that I've been giving up but you all need explanation from me because it won’t be fair on my end. I want people to see where I'm currently at right now in MY reality. I feel like I am no longer “living” or I no longer have a purpose in my life. When I told myself to just take it day by day, I didn’t realize that “day by day” is not what I have in my reality. I keep referring reality because my reality is something that people needs to be aware. I wake up every morning and realize that my husband will be injecting me with drugs every single day and multiple times a day on a daily basis. This is what I look "forward" to every day, a few injections of drugs and just go back to whatever I’m doing. What am I doing though? This is also not my reality, this is my husband’s reality as well. 

DAY BY DAY

God has given me more days to live and I'm just taking it day by day with my husband. My dad's also been amazing by my side each day and I need to start trusting him more as well. I forget to acknowledge how much this man means the world to me. I don't know what God has plan for me but I know he's here every step of the way and he will heal me. I just need to start trusting him because I've lost my mind along the way and I completely forget why I'm living it day by day. I need to go back to reality and face that I'm still living. I need to live and thank every single day that I'm still breathing. I just need to trust. I'm getting myself together again and get back to reality. I'll be doing this naturopathy which I needed from the very first beginning. I will start working on it next week and get my self all together again. Best believe, I'm a tough little cookie. haha I try! 

RAW & AUTHENTIC

To be honest, I had so much things going on with my life that I needed to get away and by doing so, I needed to get out of reality. I didn't know how but I needed to be confused. I was hurt because there was so many prayers and I was overwhelmed by it. I didn't know how to be strong anymore. I wanted to move on with my life and I felt very safe when I was roaming around the hospital thinking that I need to leave. I felt like God was there with me throughout everything but he didn't want to let me go because I felt like Peter keeps comings back to my life and kept me very safe by telling me how much he wants to take me to see the world. I was anxious and I felt like I had Alzheimer's or if this is even reality? I didn't want to know any of my loved ones because they are just full of hope and they need to realize I will be gone. I am no longer here. I couldn't do it anymore.. I just wanted to give it up all. I was ready to go... when I told myself, I wanted to leave with a bang, I didn't know what I wish for.. I wanted a nice funeral, It was ready. I was ready... When they told me I only have a few hours to live, I was ready. I needed to go. I just couldn't do it anymore. 

MR & MRS STUDNICKA

Once again, 

Videography Credit to Ferdi Flancia Films, http://ferdiflanciafilms.com/. 

I can't say thank you enough for this amazing videography. He worked all day and surpassed our expectations. My husband and I could not stop watching the video without smiling, it's absolutely perfect!

UPDATE ON BEHALF OF MY SISTER IN LAW

Last Thursday, Micah was rushed to the ER because of delirium. I got a text from her best friend that day around noon regarding her condition. She was confused, asking everyone over and over again what is colon cancer, why did she get married and why did she start the go fund me account. I knew she had an infection somewhere the moment I received the text message. To be honest, I got so nervous because one of the doctors before told us that an infection ( perforation of her bowels from the tumour ) might cause her death. She was so confused that at one point she didn't recognize her family and friends. She  thought we were all strangers. She also had a seizure for 60 seconds. Her abdomen was distended, the lower part of her incision site was bleeding and when the doctor palpated it, purulent discharge was oozing out. We were told the CT scan ( abdomen) revealed that her cancer is worse. Thankfully the CT scan ( head)  result was negative.