RAW & AUTHENTIC

To be honest, I had so much things going on with my life that I needed to get away and by doing so, I needed to get out of reality. I didn't know how but I needed to be confused. I was hurt because there was so many prayers and I was overwhelmed by it. I didn't know how to be strong anymore. I wanted to move on with my life and I felt very safe when I was roaming around the hospital thinking that I need to leave. I felt like God was there with me throughout everything but he didn't want to let me go because I felt like Peter keeps comings back to my life and kept me very safe by telling me how much he wants to take me to see the world. I was anxious and I felt like I had Alzheimer's or if this is even reality? I didn't want to know any of my loved ones because they are just full of hope and they need to realize I will be gone. I am no longer here. I couldn't do it anymore.. I just wanted to give it up all. I was ready to go... when I told myself, I wanted to leave with a bang, I didn't know what I wish for.. I wanted a nice funeral, It was ready. I was ready... When they told me I only have a few hours to live, I was ready. I needed to go. I just couldn't do it anymore. 

UPDATE ON BEHALF OF MY SISTER IN LAW

Last Thursday, Micah was rushed to the ER because of delirium. I got a text from her best friend that day around noon regarding her condition. She was confused, asking everyone over and over again what is colon cancer, why did she get married and why did she start the go fund me account. I knew she had an infection somewhere the moment I received the text message. To be honest, I got so nervous because one of the doctors before told us that an infection ( perforation of her bowels from the tumour ) might cause her death. She was so confused that at one point she didn't recognize her family and friends. She  thought we were all strangers. She also had a seizure for 60 seconds. Her abdomen was distended, the lower part of her incision site was bleeding and when the doctor palpated it, purulent discharge was oozing out. We were told the CT scan ( abdomen) revealed that her cancer is worse. Thankfully the CT scan ( head)  result was negative.