RAW & AUTHENTIC

To be honest, I had so much things going on with my life that I needed to get away and by doing so, I needed to get out of reality. I didn't know how but I needed to be confused. I was hurt because there was so many prayers and I was overwhelmed by it. I didn't know how to be strong anymore. I wanted to move on with my life and I felt very safe when I was roaming around the hospital thinking that I need to leave. I felt like God was there with me throughout everything but he didn't want to let me go because I felt like Peter keeps comings back to my life and kept me very safe by telling me how much he wants to take me to see the world. I was anxious and I felt like I had Alzheimer's or if this is even reality? I didn't want to know any of my loved ones because they are just full of hope and they need to realize I will be gone. I am no longer here. I couldn't do it anymore.. I just wanted to give it up all. I was ready to go... when I told myself, I wanted to leave with a bang, I didn't know what I wish for.. I wanted a nice funeral, It was ready. I was ready... When they told me I only have a few hours to live, I was ready. I needed to go. I just couldn't do it anymore. 

8 comments

  1. Micah, I know how you feel but I am happy that you are still alive...you will go when you are meant to go and that's how I feel about myself...you are meant to live out your life's journey, and the same goes for myself...it's a hard journey...life is hard...but God will walk every step of the way with us...God is love...God is purpose...take care...I love you...xox

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  2. Wow, Micah, anyone reading your blog can only be inspired and uplifted by the words you are writing about this incredibly hard ordeal you are going through. I am praying that God will grant you the miracle of healing which you so much deserve. I am in awe of your courage and your grace in the face of all this, and I appreciate your honesty as you share your feelings. But one thing is certain... you are not alone on this journey.

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  3. My dear Micah, you have shown incredible strength and courage throughout your journey, it's okay to feel overwhelmed by it all. I remember your Dad's smile when we were talking about how much of a fighter you are and (if you have to) you will go down swinging...and it's true - you've fought hard and inspired so many along the way (including myself). I hope that through all the kind words of support (although overwhelming) you feel comfort in knowing how much you are loved. I am beyond proud of you and I thank God for you everyday. I love you Micah xo

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