On February 14th, the day has finally arrived; my first chemo. Actually, I didn't even know I was supposed to go today. The nurse called me and ask me why I'm not at the hospital, I told them no one ever confirmed that I was scheduled for today. Anyways, I took the pills that I was supposed to take before I go for chemo then off I go to the hospital. I was only supposed to stay for 5 hours at the hospital but unfortunately, one of the nurse who inserted the 3rd chemo drug forgot to start it and realized it later that it wasn't going through. smh so I had to stay another couple of hours at the hospital. Then they inserted the last chemo drug that I need to take home for 46 hours in a fanny pack haha I looked ridiculous!

The next morning, I still didn't feel any side effects. I felt good and I was thinking if this is going to be chemo every 2 weeks, I can certainly handle it. easy peasy! but I talked to soon. The afternoon comes, I started to feel sick. I felt very nauseas and I didn't have any appetite. Let's just say I misunderstood what drugs that I was supposed to take while I'm on chemo at home. stupid me! By the end of the night, I couldn't stop puking and the room was spinning. It felt like a really bad hangover. I felt so weak and helpless. I couldn't control my body. My mom was with me throughout the evening trying to be there for me but I was just weak physically and mentally. I can't imagine what my mom was feeling at that time seeing her own daughter so helpless. I can tell my dad was also in pain and wants to help but there's nothing that he can do. My brother to the rescue, he came with a medical marijuana. It helped me for a few hours and got me to sleep. 

The next day, I still felt like shit. I was just worse. I had to go back to the hospital so that they can remove my chemo. My port was bleeding and also, swollen. I admit it was my fault, I kept moving while I was sleeping that I might have move my port. I was just in a bad shape that my Dr wanted to give me anti-nausea drugs which they had to insert it again through my port!!!! my port was already beaten up!!! fml I felt like my chest was about to explode; it was so heavy. I cried to the nurse and told her "i just want to go home please!" 

It took a few days to gain back my strength and my appetite. I can't believe I have to go through this every 2 weeks... it's the worse feeling and it really fucks you up mentally as well.

1 down, 5 more to go...

1 comment

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