ACCEPTANCE

Unfortunately, the Dr that was supposed to give us a second opinion for a possible surgery never showed up. I've expected this but of course, there's that glimpse of hope that my family were holding onto. 

On my end, it took a lot of courage to finally just give up, no i cannot say give up because God knows how hard I fought. I mean, it took a lot of me to finally accept that this is not God's will for me to stay longer and that's totally completely fine with me. I've made my peace with it. 

I look back at my 25 years of living and I've been pretty fucking blessed of how much I've received. It's soooo much more than I could ever ask for. God knows my family and I didn't grow up with a lot but over the years, God gave us so many blessings after blessings. It's so overwhelming!

I got to travel as much as I can although, yes I wish I could've seen more places but you know what, I got to travel in Greece (#1 destination on my bucket list) with an amazing friend! I got to drive my dream car and got to live in a beautiful loving home with my crazy family. I got my family who supported me through everything, who put up a lot of my shit haha. I got to meet my bestfriends who I call my sisters (Akhtari's) and treated me like I'm family as well. I'm so blessed with an amazing friends from so many different places and got to meet many more these past couple of years here in Calgary. Most of all, I got to meet the love of my life! He stayed me with through thick and thin. 

Yes, I'm not going to lie. There are things that I would love to experience especially having a family of my own with Peter but like I said, it's not part of God's plan for me. who knows though right? miracles can happen. it happens everyday.

There are so many more to be thankful for but I can't name them all. The list can go on and on and on... 

I've been crying nonstop since I've finally accepted everything but it's not because I'm scared or hurt or angry. To be honest, I'm not scared to die at all. I know I'm going to a better place and that's amazing! When I see God, I don't even have questions, I just want to sincerely thank him. I'm crying because I don't want my loved ones to suffer when I'm gone. My prayers are constantly for them. I want God to give them the strength that they need. They need it more than ever. It hurts to see my family suffering even if they put up such a brave face for me every single day. I need all the prayers from everyone, not for me but for my loved ones. 

When people are constantly telling me how brave I am or how strong I am, I didn't really believe it but damn, I believe it now! lol  I've talked about my funeral arrangements and I couldn't believe how peaceful I am talking about it. That definitely hit me hard yes girl! I am strong! haha 

Anyways, I'm just going to enjoy every moment I have left for the next couple of weeks with the people I love. It would be pretty funny if God gives me wayyyyy longer than I expected to live. haha you never know though, I believe prayers are really strong.