colon cancer
First and foremost, I want thank you for all the donations that I've received on my "Go Fund Me!" I have no words to describe how thankful I am! I was only praying for a couple of weeks of treatments but with this amount, I’ve been given an opportunity to look forward to other treatments and also, given me hope for the future. You have made a real difference in my life! I want to thank my friends and family who has been showing support with their thoughts and prayers. I went through all your messages and it really touches me from the bottom of my heart. I would also love to thank all the anonymous donors! You’re generosity has not gone unnoticed and I pray that God will bless you in your life. I also want to thank all the people who have not known me personally or who have met me through a mutual friend that donated and/or contacted me. It inspires me so much knowing that this world is filled with people that are so caring and compassionate. I also want to thank everyone who have shared this fundraising page, my blog and to all who shared my story on CTV news. God Bless!
Go Fund Me: https://www.gofundme.com/trvlbeauty
Go Fund Me: https://www.gofundme.com/trvlbeauty
Today's my second treatment. I am planning to do it 3X per week as per Dr. Matt from The Pyatt Health Centre, http://www.pyatthealth.com/ suggested. I was only going to do "Hyperthermia Therapy with IV Vitamin C" once per week which cost 450$ per session but now, with the money that I've receive, I can do 3X per week and will be adding another treatment such as IV DCA injections which will cost 40 - 80$ depending how much dosage I can take. He definitely saw an improvement compare to my first visit where I was practically beaten up. He said I looked a lot better!
I can't sleep... and I don't even know how to get my thoughts all together. It's almost been a week since I've been released from the hospital. I've been living every moment with my loved ones and taking it all day by day. I've been receiving so many supports from so many people especially now more than ever. I've been given so much hope and I can't stop fighting now.
Although, last night with all the social media bombarding me, I couldn't help but breakdown... so many supports and prayers but I just felt like I'm one step behind again... I couldn't help but think, God, what does this all mean? What are you trying to show me? Are you giving me a chance to live? Am I in denial of what's happening to me? I'm walking with him with so many hopes but I'm scared this can end so quick. I see my loved ones with so much happiness but I'm scared, I'm so scared for them. I'm holding on to you God but I need answers...
My bowels are slowly working and I've been taking medications to stimulate bowel movements and shrink the tumours. Before I left the hospital, my oncologist wants me back for chemo. Unfortunately, I don't want to go to that road again. I've tried it and it didn't work.
My family and I are thinking to go natural like what we wanted at the beginning. Unfortunately, it's not covered by our health care system. I will be doing treatments by a private clinic "Pyatt Health Centre" with Dr Matt, who's been with me throughout my journey since I was diagnosed. He gave me tips and other treatments while I was undergoing chemo. - http://www.pyatthealth.com/ Right now, the treatments are Hypethermia Therapy with IV. I sincerely ask for your donations to help us fund this treatment. Any monetary value is highly appreciated!
I was finally discharged today from the hospital. It feels good to be home in my own bed without anyone constantly checking up on me! I will have a palliative team that will be coming home on a daily basis in order to keep an eye on my symptoms. To make sure that I'm in good hands when I finally can't function anymore. We're hoping that I won't be back to the hospital anytime soon. I can enjoy my last few weeks with my loved ones. I'm definitely looking forward to the blessings that's going to happen! best believe, i'm going to leave with a BANG! haha
I don't even know where to start. These past couple of days, I've been so overwhelmed by all the support and prayers. I can tell how much God is slowly working in my life right now. I got some good news yesterday, it might be to TMI but my bowel movements (passing gas) are slowly working and that's already a miracle happening! Drs wants me off the NG tube so that I can slowly start drinking liquid slowly but surely. I will most likely be discharge tomorrow or Monday. oh I can't wait! I just cant wait to be home. There are so many things happening for the next couple of weeks and I just can't wait how many more blessings that are about to come. It isn't over yet... the battle isn't over yet!
Unfortunately, the Dr that was supposed to give us a second opinion for a possible surgery never showed up. I've expected this but of course, there's that glimpse of hope that my family were holding onto.
On my end, it took a lot of courage to finally just give up, no i cannot say give up because God knows how hard I fought. I mean, it took a lot of me to finally accept that this is not God's will for me to stay longer and that's totally completely fine with me. I've made my peace with it.
I look back at my 25 years of living and I've been pretty fucking blessed of how much I've received. It's soooo much more than I could ever ask for. God knows my family and I didn't grow up with a lot but over the years, God gave us so many blessings after blessings. It's so overwhelming!
I got to travel as much as I can although, yes I wish I could've seen more places but you know what, I got to travel in Greece (#1 destination on my bucket list) with an amazing friend! I got to drive my dream car and got to live in a beautiful loving home with my crazy family. I got my family who supported me through everything, who put up a lot of my shit haha. I got to meet my bestfriends who I call my sisters (Akhtari's) and treated me like I'm family as well. I'm so blessed with an amazing friends from so many different places and got to meet many more these past couple of years here in Calgary. Most of all, I got to meet the love of my life! He stayed me with through thick and thin.
The odds are not on our table this time. I have no control. I can't ask for healing but only for a miracle. A miracle that the surgeons will try to get me back for surgery and hope that they can at least fix my blockage.
But so far, there are no surgeons that are willing to do this procedure. The malignant tumours/cancer cells had spread all over my small and large bowels. The Dr said there's simply no way they can fix me, even to remove the blockage is futile. We asked for a second opinion, and we're currently waiting for this Dr to come to hopefully remove the blockage, so at least I can eat or drink a little bit. For now, we are praying and hoping my bowels will dilate and open up to get my bowels to work again, if surgery is not gonna happen.
Right now, I am on NG tube to prevent vomiting and I have an IV fluid for hydration. So I haven't eaten since Monday (4 days). This is how I'm currently "living" at the hospital. So basically, I am palliative. I think I've hit the end of my journey.
Just when I thought everything is going forward, I am straight back to where I started or maybe worse...
I woke up the next morning, this time my pain was controllable. Thank God for my boyfriend who stayed in the hospital all night with me trying to control my pain and continuously asking me if I needed more pain killers. He kept me in track so I won't feel any pain when I eventually wake up.
I honestly don't know anything about what just happen or the results that came with my surgery so I asked my boyfriend to tell me straight up and just be blunt about it. He told me that they found tumour in my small intestine. My mom was the one that was informed by the surgeon, he heard it from my mom so he also doesn't know more.
A Dr came to see me during the morning but he wasn't the surgeon who did my surgery so he also had no answers for me! He basically told me that the surgeon wasn't able to do anything because it wasn't just a twisted intestine like they thought at first. He basically cut me open and closed me right away without doing anything. There were so many unanswered questions. This time I was scared. I was really scared for my life.
My boyfriend and I was hesitant to go through this surgery. We felt like it was such an impulsive decision and we needed another opinion. So of course, we called my oncologist but no answer as per usual. We left a message and hoping that she can call as back as soon as possible. The surgeons on duty wanted this to get it done within 2 hours so our time was very limited.
Unfortunately, we didn't get any second opinion and we're not doctors so if they think this is critical then I need to go through this. Although, I just had the biggest feeling that this isn't right. actually it hasn't been right since last night! I really felt like this surgical team wasn't prepared or organized compared to my first one. Like I said, I just didn't feel right about this.
My boyfriend is finally back home from work for awhile. oh how I've missed him! We finally have the chance to spend some time together and have plans to go for date nights before my 4th chemo starts again but little did I know, things are about to change...
I complained to my boyfriend that my abdominal pain starts to feel a little pinch but I shouldn't be worried because I thought that chemo is just fighting my cancer cells. I woke up with an unbearable pain around 5:00 AM so I woke him up and letting him know. I took pain killers but it didn't work. I thought to myself I remember this pain... this is the same pain that I had prior to my diagnosed back in January.
I had a lot of mixed feelings about this when the Dr started discussing about my possibility of a second surgery. As per usual, my oncologist was not there to discuss this. Every appointment that I was supposed to have with her, she's never around. I wish I asked for another oncologist that cared a little more. tip: please do not hesitate to ask for a better oncologist if you don't like yours!
Like I said, I had mixed feelings about this. First of all, I was happy to know that the surgeons wants to meet me very soon to talk about a possibility of a second surgery only after a few cycles of treatment and a result of my pet scan. This basically means that I have a chance to be cancer free! and to know that my chemotherapy is working! all this pain is worth it!
I can't believe I'm ready for my 3rd round of chemotherapy. This time, I put on my sweatpants so I can be comfortable and also, put on some make up to make myself feel a little brighter even if I'm just going for my treatment.
I've been doing a lot of juicing. It enters the human blood stream very quickly. I'm not going to lie but I've invested a lot of time and money (credit to my parents & boyfriend haha) for juicing. All vegetables and fruits that I juice are organic as well. I try to juice antioxidants vegetables or fruits to help prevent or stop cell damage.
As much as I want to stay positive, there are days that fucking sucks. Lately, I've been following a few bloggers that are going through the same battle and today, I heard a famous blogger who's been sharing her story recently passed away at 34. This type of news just really hits me hard. It reminds me how my life can end very soon. "you only have a few months to 3 years maximum to live" what my Dr said just keeps replaying in my head. "you only have a few months to 3 years maximum to live" I think about my life and I'm not ready to go. "you only have a few months to 3 years maximum to live".
I've talked about my side effects earlier on but I didn't really get into details on how I've been dealing with it. not that I'm an expert! but these are the things that's been working for me so far.
There are so many drugs that my oncologist prescribed to me but I haven't been using them because the pills that was given to me have side effects from it too which is why I decided to use cannabis mainly for nausea.
Cannabis is natural and so far, it has helped me. I was recommended by my naturopathy Dr he's amazing! and from other people as well. I'm currently using CannTrust cannabis company. There are 2 types of cannabis: THC and CBD. The difference is THC is for recreational meaning this will get me in a better mood and see a better outlook on life when I'm feeling down and CBD is for medical meaning this will help me from my side effects. I use both.
On February 28th was my 2nd round of chemo, this time around was a lot better and I tried my best to be prepared as well. I was on top of my game by taking all the medicines and natural remedy to prevent what I felt like the first round. Although, I still felt some side effects but it wasn't as bad as before.
The first 2 days of chemo, I didn't feel any side effects. I was able to eat this time. The 3rd day was different. I felt a little nauseas during the morning but I didn't puke. When I got to the hospital, I was still not feeling my best. When they removed the chemo, my port this time was looking a lot better. It was not swollen and it wasn't as bruised like a few days ago. I can tell it was healing. Also, I used a numbing cream before they insert the drugs so I didn't feel the pain and when they removed it, it was quick and easy. As soon as I got home, I puked. I think it's the smell of the hospital that made it worse and when you start puking, it doesn't stop there. I couldn't catch up to my side effects. not again! lol I guess you can say I was only on top of my game on the first 2 days. haha it's ok there's a 3rd one!
It took me a few days again to recover from the side effects but I'm definitely improving and learning from my mistakes. I will eventually get this right, I believe it! lol
For a month and a half, I didn't have any treatment due to my surgery. I needed to heal before I start chemo. I asked my oncologist if I can request a pet scan before I start any treatment. Pet scan is exactly like a Cat scan but it's detailed. Although, I wasn't able to get it done before chemo. I was schedule on February 23rd just a week after chemo. I wanted to have a base so that I can compare after a few cycles if chemo is really working and I also wanted to see if it has spread elsewhere since I haven't had any treatment after a month long. I also changed my diet so I wanted to see if it prevented it from spreading.
I got my results on February 27th. Just a few days earlier, I kept praying and hoping that it hasn't spread elsewhere. My prayers were answered.
After they remove my chemo drug, I got to go home but the side effects do not stop.
Here are a few that I've experienced so far:
1. Tingling sensation - I can't eat or touch something cold and I can't go outside when it's -20C. The first time I felt it is when I was getting vegetables in my fridge to juice and it was the weirdest feeling at first but after a few more seconds, it started to hurt like a bitch. After I made my juice, it was slightly cold but not too cold. stupid me for trying it! my throat started to hurt as well. lol not funny but thinking about it now, why the hell would I even try! smh
2. Hair Thinning
After a few days, my hair started to thin. It wasn't a big chunk of hair besides I have A LOT of hair so I really don't mind. I pay to get my hair thin!
On February 14th, the day has finally arrived; my first chemo. Actually, I didn't even know I was supposed to go today. The nurse called me and ask me why I'm not at the hospital, I told them no one ever confirmed that I was scheduled for today. Anyways, I took the pills that I was supposed to take before I go for chemo then off I go to the hospital. I was only supposed to stay for 5 hours at the hospital but unfortunately, one of the nurse who inserted the 3rd chemo drug forgot to start it and realized it later that it wasn't going through. smh so I had to stay another couple of hours at the hospital. Then they inserted the last chemo drug that I need to take home for 46 hours in a fanny pack haha I looked ridiculous!
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